Exhale

Janet is out of surgery and in recovery! I talked to her doctor and he said the surgery went well and it was able to be done lapriscopically (which is great!). Janet is in recovery for the next two hours and then once she is moved ot her room I will be able to go up and see her.

Thank you to everyone who has been thinking of and praying for Janet today. The doctors here at MGH are amazing, and the volunteers have such an amazing set up to take care of all of us while we wait! 

I met some amazing people while I was here waiting, and somehow it is always incredibly comforting to talk with others who are waiting too. Everyone has a different story but the underlying messages are the same we are all here waiting for someone we care about and no matter how "simple" the surgery or how "confident" we are that our family/friend will come though it with flying colors there is always that little nagging level worry.

I am glad that the two other people I met today both got positive news from their surgeons as well.

I will post again after I have had a chance to visit with Janet.

Janet Update #1

Hello all - I just posted a message on Janet's facebook page too.

They just shooed me away from Janet in pre-op so they could give her some good drugs (hee hee) and get her ready to go into surgery - she was in good spirits and taking photos up until the last minute (of course she was!).

Doctor said the surgery would be about 2 hours and then another 1-2 hours in recovery before they send her up to her room.

I will post again as soon as I have another update - which will probably be when she is out of surgery!

Janet Updates

Hello! 

For anyone who is stopping here from Janet's blog - www.fondofsnape.com welcome. To anyone that I already know or who already reads my blog - welcome back.

I will post here tomorrow as I get updates about Janet. My guess is that she is going to sail through surgery with the grace that she handles pretty much everything else in her life. With any luck she will get a stunningly hot anesthesiologist and will have him laughing as she heads into surgery (the pre-surgery drugs might help her laughter too!).

If you have my cell number feel free to text me if you would like, and I will reply as soon as I can - depending on hospital rules and the hairy-eyeball stares of any nurses that happen to be around!

I will post a first update as soon as Janet head's into surgery! GOOD LUCK JANET! We are all rooting for you!

Whirl.

I feel like life is a whirl these days. It is easy to say "slow down and enjoy it" but my reality doesn't make that simple these days. Some days it doesn't seem to make it possible at all.

A. and I are still trying to figure out our finances and our future, but I feel like I am in a passive "being patient" pattern. We are waiting to hear about next steps for the job interview he went on, without getting our hopes up. I am feeling a little more cautious about things than A., but that is just the nature of who we are.

I feel like I am going through the motions these days. I get up go to work, come home, take care of things around the house, walk and hang out with the dog, go to bed, repeat all the while with this underlying current of "how can it change"? Is it really just a matter of time before we catch a "break" financially? I don't really believe in the "something" just happening to make it better. 

We are working as hard as we can, we have stopped spending on all but the essentials and I still feel like we aren't making forward motion. I am trying to be patient, but that feel like waiting around passively. I feel restless, and unsure about what to do with that restless energy.

I am vacillating about applying for this open position at work. Technically it would be a lateral move but there might be some wiggle room for a small raise. I don't think I would make the move for no raise at all. The knowledge I have gained over the last 2 years should be worth something and if I am going to take on a more visible position and conquer the learning curve, I pretty much consider the small recognition of this that a small raise would bring a necessary step for me to make the move. 

The other factor in my decision to apply for the position or not relates to how I would interact with a specific person in the organization and how I would really feel about that/how that person works with others and makes me feel about myself. That's all I can say about that. 

I am very glad that I am able to take this Friday off and will be able to help out a friend by being with her. The day away from work will help me get some distance from the work decisions and craziness and being there for my friend is important and I want to be able to do this.

Random

Three Random Thoughts for today...

• Today is Marley's birthday! Ten years old! I can't believe that we have had her for 9.5 years. I never could have imagined how powerful it would be to own a dog; how much I would connect at such an intense level with her. As I look at her now she is sleeping upside down, all four paws in the air snoring in the chair across from me - what the life! Everyone should get to spend their birthday upside down and snoring......Happy Birthday girl!
• We have been so good about not charging a single thing for the last three months, but the last week I have charged a few small things. I "owe" the credit card $85 to cover these items and I determined to add the $85 to the amount we pay this month to make sure we keep on the path to pay the debt down!
• My dad got a new job! It is a temporary position for 6 months but he was like a kid going back to school after a long summer of being bored. He is technically retired from his career - he was able to retire at 55 with his full pension, did some consulting work for a few years, but is bored basically and has been looking for a full time position for sometime. I am so so happy for him! He also has his hat in the ring for another job that would start after this temporary position is up. He is 1 of 18 candidates being interviewed for this job. Fingers crossed.

More.

We had more kids this year than we had last year for Halloween which is pretty amazing since we had between 50-75 kids last year. This year I would say that we had well over this - close to 100. It was awesome. Our whole neighborhood is out on their porches giving out candy, trick-or-treating, chatting, sharing "spirits".

The weather was stunningly perfect for Halloween - windy, clear with clouds blowing by almost full moon. My parents stopped by toward the end of the evening and we took Marley for a nice walk, checking out all of the spookiness on the streets nearby.

I should have taken more photos but everything went by quickly. I will post a photo of my bumblebee niece and her friend "This little Piggy" The two of them were beyond adorable!

Today was a nice day - shopping and lunch with mom. No major purchases just a new kitchen trash can and a teeny little outfit for my next niece. It was just too sweet to pass up. I can't believe that I will have another niece come March! The only downside to the day was my sudden burst of tears in the middle of the store as I was looking at the little outfits. All of a sudden out of the blue I was overwhelmed with "I will never be able to get these little clothes for a baby that is mine."

Most days I think I have accepted my infertility, other times -like today, it just hits me out of the blue and I am not quite sure to do with the emotions. I was able to take a deep breath and keep going today and I am tearing up a little as I write this. 

Tomorrow it's  Monday again and back to work - but for tonight it's time to just be cozy at home. Marley is so mixed up by turning the clocks back she went upstairs to her bed at 7:15!

Yellow-footed green pigeon

Today at work we said goodbye to one of the most talented developers I have ever worked with. He has been a contractor with us for 14 months. We had a great cake from Yum Bunnies Cakery with a map on it that had a lobster indicating Boston where we are and a yellow-footed green pigeon indicating the state in India where he is from.

The two lessons of the day are the lesson of the day is that (1) the yellow footed green pigeon is the state bird of the state he his from and (2) management often choose to pass over amazing value of what is right in front of them.

I think not keeping him on is one of the biggest mistakes that the "the powers that be" in our department will make. Sadly no one will realize this until it is too late. Will we get by and move on? Of course, but there is no one else who can work with the technology that we are leveraging right now as well as this guy. 

The catch is that there was no way we could hire him full time because our organization does not sponsor work visas and he is here from India on a work visa - BUT - unless there was something I was not told I just do not understand why we could not have kept him on for another year as a contractor.

It's a shame really. Not only was he a great developer but he was a great guy to work with too. Often there is a tension between developers and project managers  - a "healthy" tension between "leave me alone so I can get it done (developers) and "I need to know where things stand (project managers) - but with this guy there was none of that. He was totally open and had the patience of no developer I have ever met when it came to bridging the gap between "tech speak" and the common language.

It probably sounds like I am gushing on here but you know you are losing a good and valued person when three of us got all choked up and teary-eyed. I wish him the best in his endeavors and hope that our paths cross again in the future.

ANTM - Go Natalie!

I am loving Natalie. I think it will come down to Natalie and Jennifer as the final two. There is something southern sweet about Laura too that I really like.

As for the bottom two - Erin and Brittany? Eh I think they should both go and personally I despise Erin's attitude most of all.

Go Natalie, and Laura!

Hermit-esque

We don't turn the clocks back officially until this coming Saturday and I already feel the darkness effecting my patterns. The summer months can have me happily outside until 8:00 or 9:00 PM and tonight at 7:35 PM I am cozied up, in my jammies. I am totally content to read, write, or watch tv. All sedentary activites.

It's dark. I don't operate after dark. It's not a phobia or anything like that; just what I prefer. I know I have to exercise and I know I have to find something to do to be active this winter. I have been toying with the idea of joining the gym where I work. It is a great place - top notch facility and very easy to get to after work. What if I don't make it optional for myself. Is not making it optional - optional or am I just kidding myself? What if instead I make it a "must do" 2x-3x a week?

With A. working most evenings I could easily do an after work workout and still be home at a decent time. 

Something for me to think about.

Showtime Here I Come

I am off to sign up for Showtime just to watch this for a week.